I mask it pretty well most of the time, reminding myself that I am so fabulosity (too much Kimora Lee Simmons!). If I'm being honest with myself, I have a great life. I've got wonderful friends, an awesome boyfriend, I like my job, I've met so many different people, been to so many different things, traveled for work ... I have a life. Not bragging, just stating what I truly feel - I am a happy person. I've so much to be thankful for.
But I'm also very, very young, naive, idealistic, insecure and sometimes, I just don't know what I'm doing. People always think I've got things under control, that I'm oh-so-great for doing so much so fast but oh my god, it's so overwhelming sometimes. I'm scrambling in the dark most times, just HOPING that my instincts will help guide me.
And of course sometimes it backfires. Sometimes I'm in way over my head. And doing what I do, where you put a part of yourself out to the world in everything you do, you're bound to get criticism, haters, pessimists. I can deal with most of it, but it just gets to me sometimes. Maybe I'm not talented enough, maybe I'm not good enough. And the sad part is that this stems for wanting to be great, wanting to do better and when it doesn't work out, it's just ... sigh, hard to deal with. Perhaps you're nothing more than ordinary.
I don't want to be ordinary.
It has been a rough two weeks. And it's obvious from this post that it has taken its toll on me. I'm still dwelling on it right now, but hopefully tomorrow I'll wake up and feel less sorry for myself (it's pathetic).
I'm reviewing the new Mates of State album (recommended) and the opener "Get Better" just makes a lot more sense now. Everything's gonna get lighter, even if it never gets better. Walau, my emoness is making me ill.
I just realized how much time I spend watching YouTube videos after seeing Weezer's new video "Pork And Beans" from their upcoming Red Album. Seriously - watch the video and see how many "celebs" made famous by YouTube you can spot. I love that they included that beauty pageant chick who gave some hilarious gibberish answer when asked about USA's lack of geographical knowledge. And also Chris Crocker. And the Numa Numa dude. It's such an entertaining video because it references the internet culture. I love that some of us will completely get it, and it would be completely confusing to others. If you want to know how much of a YouTube junkie you are, watch the video.
I'll always be a pop music freak. Some things just don't change!
My current favourite band is Denmark's Alphabeat. They're damn bloody cute and fun and makes really good pop music, something that's like an art form these days because of all the crap that's out there tainting pop music's good name. (Phew!)
They're six people in Alphabeat and three of them are named Anders. No joke. It gets confusing for the first couple of times. There's also Rasmus, their keyboardist who looks like Ron Sexsmith + a hobbit, Troels on drums and the only girl in the group, Stine, whose hair I covet. They were actually invited to tour with the reunited Spice Girls, but DECLINED. Apparently, they did not want to introduce themselves to the world as being the support act for the girls's reunion tour.
Their signature track is "Fascination", a song bursting with frantic energy that one either loves or hates.
My favourite song though has to be "What Is Happening?". I love the boy-girl vocal harmonies and the little twist at the end where the beat picks up. Also, love the bittersweet sentiments and the chorus and the hooks. OMG too many things. This is a great pop tune. And the band does it so well live too. Watch watch watch.
Nostalgia keeps me coming back to this blog. Too many memories and experiences since 2003; too hard to completely abandon; too busy to do much with it. But updates are on again, off again, sometimes, rarely, hardly, often, sporadically, twice a day, once in three months. I'm blogging to remember because I forget too easily these days. More?.