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Desktop Confessional

Switched off.

Friday, November 28, 2008
2:09 AM

It's a hotbed of events now in the social calendar. Fashion week is on, which means shows and after-parties. Christmas is near, which means Xmas parties. And November seems to be the month everyone is born in, which means birthday shindigs. And Z ouk is near completion, which means the return of Friday night TAGs. Oh how I miss. Speaking of Z ouk, am just back from the launch of their new look. The crowd was kinda ... weird. I think Ethan said it best when he announced, "Welcome to Cheras!" after Didi and I said hey. Ming just complemented that statement with, "It's an office party in here", in reference to the many, many button-down striped shirts. You know, standard Metrojaya wear for guys. Am beginning to wonder if that's all there is to style for guys in the corporate world. There HAS to be something else to put on? Why not just put an end to the early morning what-the-fuck-should-I-wear-today bizniz and create uniforms.

Lately I've been feeling a little switched off from the whole "scene"/industry. I know I should be attending at least one of the fashion week shows, but I can't seem to get myself into the mood of dressing fabulously and being well-groomed. It's scary how lazy I am to groom these days. Considering that I should be ...er... "prowling", given my suddenly single status, I really should put in the effort.

All I enjoy doing these days is reading a good book and having coffee. I love not having to layan anyone but myself, and I always make sure I have headphones on so I can pretend I can't hear if someone weird tries to disrupt my personal space. I don't really know if this behaviour is healthy; certainly it doesn't help in the making-new-friends area.

Which brings me to my next point: I don't really have that many friends. I have acquaintances, yes.. I have people I air-kiss at parties.. but ... do I know them well? Have I ever had one decent conversation with them in the din of a club?

No. As I grow older, I realize I get pickier on who I spend time with. If I don't feel I have much to offer you, and vice versa, I don't really want to waste my time on the small talk. Though that makes me sound like a downright snob (which I can be at times...), the good thing is that once we're friends, we're for life yo. I've been friends with my school mates since Standard 1, and we're still really good friends.

And though no one believes me for some reason, that's why I feel so socially awkward at events. I want to make a connection when I talk to people, I want to be friends. But more often than not, these sorta events don't allow for connection. They exist in that one frame in time, that heat of the moment where everything is great ... but as the night hits 3am and the lights are switched back on, we air-kiss and disperse with nary a word ... until the next party.

I guess I'm tired of that. I know what it's like to make a connection, and everything else just pales in comparison.