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Desktop Confessional


Saturday, August 09, 2008

I'm finally home, snuggled within my comforters with laptop on my ... lap. Earlier tonight, I was at the Kent event at jin tendang* Mines. I'm quite proud that I didn't get lost driving there from Bukit Bintang, but it took me an hour just looking for the right exit home. -_-

The event was quite cool actually; organizers had turned a plain exhibition hall into a big space decorated with huge lights that glowed from the ceiling and even the table stands were basically lampshades. Unfortunately I think I was tired out from the past week to really get into it. All the alcohol just made me even sleepier and I knew that I should leave seeing as everyone started to ask if I was okay. No one likes a spoilsport.

Being at one too many parties this week just made me realize how much of an introvert I really am. Though I had fun at each and every one of them (particularly the MTV Asia Awards after party - so much white wine and Moet!), attending them always make me miss the privacy of my own space and the luxury of having alone time. Small talk is by far the scariest thing for me to do, especially in a place where the speakers are pounding. Why bother, I think sometimes, when no one's gonna remember this in an hour?

So much of what I do seem to be exercises in futility lately. I think it's a funk I'm going through where my self-esteem is just crippling me. I wish I was more interesting, wittier, a better conversationalist. At 23, you'd think being happy with who you are would come a lot easier.

I met someone today at the party who is friends with a former lecturer in college. He told me that my lecturer was immensely proud of what I'm doing, what I'm becoming and where I am now. I felt a warm rush after hearing that and it was seriously the most comforting thing I've heard about myself in a while. Most days I wake up thinking that I've got so much to prove, but for that one moment then, it felt alright to just ... be.

Today's inspiration is brought to you by Britney Spears, who is looking like a million bucks again. I'm rooting for your comeback Brit, and I don't care what anyone says, "Black Out" was amazing!

And lately, I've been listing to Cut Copy obsessively. I totally believe their hype now. "Strangers in the Wind" is definitely one of those songs I'd put on repeat.

Jin tendang - a place so far and obscure that it seems like a genie (ie jin) kicked you there in spite. (Didi totally rocks for introducing me to the word)

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