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QUESARAH

Desktop Confessional

Thursday, March 30, 2006
5:21 PM

My inability to take a nap will be the end of me.

So tired :( and feeling sick-ish.

Time Out (for myself).

Tuesday, March 28, 2006
6:33 PM

Ahhhh dear Lord, finally. Some time on my hands to spend quality time with myself!

This whole week have been so incredibly busy and packed that I feel as though my eyes are going to pop out due to stress and fatigue-related incidences. Seriously, they are burning at the back of my head now and sending me telepathic messages to go take a nap.

Which I will ... after I satisfy this sudden urge to blog.

So today marked the end of all the major assignments to be handed up or presented. From now on, everything will slow down a pace or two and more importantly, I would not have to stay back in college until 6 PM just to finish paperwork. That knowledge just warms me up inside!

The only stuff left to do is the Cinema Studies thing on that French New Wave film The 400 Blows, and about two more photography assignments. And then the semester is done for HALLELUJAH. Which only means that I can officially start worrying about my internship, which BTW, have not given me a definite reply! Seriously a bit worried now bleehh.

Speaking of photography, it really isn't enjoyable to go out into KL and look specifically for a certain moment that captures the theme of your assignment. Its stressful, and when it doesn't turn out as well as you hoped it would its so frustrating because it only means that you have to go out again one of these days. And at this stage, a lot of us simply do not have time to traipse around the heat and madness that KL can bring.

Besides, its not as though inspiration strikes everytime you hold a camera so sometimes you come home completely dejected because your photos SUCK. Maybe I'm making excuses, but its the amateur in me talking.

I went to Batu Caves for assignment and to a club at night for enjoyment. The irony is that I enjoyed myself more at my assignment; climbing 272-steps and battling the deranged Monkeys of Batu Caves.

The club was overpacked and stuffy, the music was bland and the alcohol was overpriced. The fact that I couldn't stand in one spot long enough to dance before being pushed away by people cutting through the crowd was just irritating. But what do you expect, it was a Saturday night. My bad.

So it has come to this that a dingy, dark cave that smelled of guano (bat shit) holds more of my interest that a club where everything is perfect and everyone is beautiful.

Le sigh.

// The Album Leaf - On Your Way





Found this gorgeous temple where there are windows at the roof so light streams down in the most amazing way. Photos can't be used though for photography assignment for the "lack of human element."

Art Imitates Life.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006
12:47 AM

 
 

... and right now life is very busy.
Much to say but so the tired.
Here's hoping your week doesn't look as crazy as mine does right now, :) Posted by Picasa

Rain in my head.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006
6:48 PM

It is raining ... again. Now everytime I hear thunder, I unplug my cables, my wires, my computer and my TV + ASTRO because I am so afraid that there'll be another thunderstorm and just massively kill my tools of survival (read above) with one bolt of lightning and I will be left with a void. I'm kinda not a "back to nature" sorta girl. Actually, not at all that sorta girl.

The thing with rain though is that it makes me feel really safe, especially when I'm at home. Like right now, I'm in my brother's room because the PC is here, and there's no one else at home. The boy fell right into bed after college with his glasses on because he was that tired. There's a warm yellow glow from the tablelight, and I made hot English tea with sugar. Seriously- it is warm and fuzzy TM.

Other things though, are not so warm and fuzzy. College is getting hectic as we head toward the last three weeks. Last weeks are famous for driving students up the wall. The funny thing is that for a semester that cost the most of all semesters, it's going to be over in 3 weeks. Like WHAT? I paid RMX,XXX for how many weeks? I tell you, education is expensive.

And right now, money is tight like spandex. Its almost suffocating to think about money, or the lack of it. Sometimes its easy to shut off all the worries, but that doesn't change the fact that it exists does it? Whoever said money was not important, why don't you and I be friends and you can loan me some?

Matters with my father is just ... disappointing. I envy any of you who have great relationships with your parent(s). It must be comforting to know that no matter what, you have someone who'll back you up and do what s/he has to do. I won't pretend that I've ever gotten along great with my dad, in fact our relationship has always been one of the most stressful things in my life. But it seems like its reached brand new heights over the weekend, and I think he feels it too because he went South yesterday. Silver lining? The house has never been more peaceful.

I feel like I am walking into this world of unsurmountable anxiety and doubt, and it breaks my spirit sometimes. No matter how much I tell myself that all this will make me stronger, it feels like I can't do it. Being "strong" is so draining.

I know I am lucky, however, despite circumstances because the other areas in my life are going so wonderfully. Its a vivid contrast. I've got my very own support system, and when I am around these people ... for a little while at least, I forget. Temporary amnesia is rejuvenating.

I don't feel like a void exists.

Blogging is my therapy: I feel okay now having written it down. I originally wanted to write about the leaky faucet in the kitchen. Its drip-drop-drip is annoying the hell out of me. Need help to fix faucet, HOW? Don't ask me to call plumber pls, I could've thought of that muhself! You can de-rain my head ... or at least the kitchen.

//Mazzy Star - Into Dust

"I could possibly be fading ... or have something more to gain"

Fry-day.

Saturday, March 11, 2006
12:18 AM

It might as well be called that today since it was so bleeding hot! Went to KL in a last minute frenzy to take the final few photos for my assignment. I've e-mailed the project to my lecturer already. I think my photos suck, they all look so uninspired. Gargh. I am a terrible photographer- hands shaky, boring perspectives, flat lighting. And I used to think I was decent. Ptui.

Anyway, just thought I'll stop with the words and post up some pictures that didn't make the assignment because it didn't show the effects of lighting (which was the assignment topic).

In KL, I saw:
















Super tired by the time I took this picture, around 7 pm. But- the day wasn't even over yet! Still had to take bloody night scenery pictures, *sulk*. The heat of the day just made my skin even blotchier than before.


1U for some yums-yums! (namely pizza)


And FINALLY ended the day at Sunway and decided on using the Resort Hotel as my subject. By this time (10.30pm, and I started the day at 7am), I couldn't care less if my subject was interesting or not just as long as it fulfilled the requirement. Lesson of the day: always take the digicam with you so you can continually take photos, instead of waiting for the last day before the assignment is due.


The bed has never looked SO inviting.
/flops on to bed in dead sleep

Oh Shit.

Thursday, March 09, 2006
11:44 AM

Disc 6 of 7 of The OC doesn't work and I'm secretly thankful. I've stopped watching it for the past 2 days now, and have just been catching up on backlogged work.

The shittiest part was when I e-mailed my lecturer regarding my photography assignment and he said that we're not allowed to use old photos. For a while there, I think I lost my head. My memory must be going as well because I thought he said we could, as long as they were ours and not ripped off some website.

So now my assignment which I thought was done, isn't. Damn damn damn.

I am stuck at home and can't go out to take those final three pictures because my dad has taken the car. So right now I am stuffing my face with McD's quarter pounder set because I am trying to plan out my game plan tomorrow so I can finish the assignment. McD's doesn't help with the instant gratification though- the lady forgot my tomato ketchup, and I can't enjoy my fries without it. Boooo.

Anyway. I am trying not to panic and keep telling myself that I will eventually pull through. I think I have to cancel the "bonding" session in the morning with my dad just to get things done.

Trying to remain positive! At least I got my passport photo taken early this morning, and for the rest of the day I WILL NOT BE DISTRACTED by TV and concentrate on my other 2 assignments.

I feel optimism filling in already. Snark.

// The Dandy Warhols - We Used To Be Friends

Edit,

Well my golden plan of finishing at least one assignment didn't fall through because a mad ass thunderstorm blew through Subang and uprooted trees which in turn fell on electrical wires resulting in a

POWER CUT THAT LASTED 8 HOURS

I was dozing off in my room when I felt the glorious breeze of the fan whirring alive. You have no idea what a Kodak moment that was.

Somehow it seems like my blog title was some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. Well, at least there's power now.

Oh Sea.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006
4:53 PM

This is bad. I just spent two days watching The OC season 1 back to back. I was doomed even before my brother brought the DVDs home. At the back of my head, I know I have assignments up to my neck, and another part wants to know what happens with Summer-Seth-Anna and all the drama. The himbo says the show is nonsense but I disagree. He doesn't know his TV!!!!!


And the music's really great.
I'm here for the music.


Really.

I Love Marketing.

Sunday, March 05, 2006
1:00 AM

I picked up KLue and under what's Hot is Gisele (Bundchen, presumably)-endorsed Havaianas flip flops.

Flip flops ... that go for RM60 a pair. We are, essentially, talking about selipar jepun with quirkly little designs on them.

Er, didn't Havaianas used to be available at Bata?

Hanging on a non-descript shelf next to the Sparks school shoes?

God bless the powers of marketing and a supermodel!