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QUESARAH

Desktop Confessional

Stark ranting, raving mad.

Monday, September 26, 2005
9:15 PM

Despite how grateful I am that gods of tech and innovation have brought our society so much forwards with 1001 new inventions every freaking day, I cannot for the life of me genuinely say that I love technology.

It makes my mood swing more than PMS x 1000.

I hate it when Streamyx is down or slow, which in my case, seems to be forfuckingever.

I hate it when I need broadband to do research and it isn't up, refer to above.

I hate it when my computer lags.

I hate it when my printer jams on me for no reason, which happened today.

I hate it when my splitter seems to be rosak, which happened today.

I hate it how irrational and annoyed everyone seems to generally get whenever internet access is down. Case and point, Starbucks' wi-fi is down due to some server maintenance up at Time Zone. Result: hundreds of disgruntled, let down, customers walking huffily out of the store with a certain sense of depravation in their bloodshot eyes.

At this point in time, the end of the world is probably NO INTERNET.

Its fucking scary lah what technology, or the lack thereof, or even the malfunctioning thereof, can do to people, corporations even NATIONS. Remember the Millennium Bug? Sent the world into panic, while batteries and torchlights laughed all the way to the bank. (Not literal lah)

The term "double edge sword" doesn't ring truer to me than when it comes to technology. I think the reason why I get so upset when it isn't working properly is because it's become so entrenched into my daily life that I just assume that it'll be there for me all the time, like some sort of extension of me. And that's just scary considering that we're talking about machines here.

I need to get away for a really long time in some remote island, where I can just disconnect from all the wires, cables, plug-ins and what not.

I'm also deeply suspicious about this new empowerment that traffic policemen are getting over us. It's possibly the worst road to go down amidst all this talk about no corruption, no graft, no bribe, no this and that. That's Malaysia for you, one step forward and two steps back.

It's just been a really stressful day!
Now I need to get back to my stupid assignment.

Balancing act.

Friday, September 23, 2005
12:07 PM

ACADEMIA:
Semester reaching its peak and slowly losing momentum in terms of assignments, presentations!!! 1 individual assignment, 1 group assignment and 1 more test and I won't have anything to worry about!! Oh wait. Finals in November. Okay, after that REALLY nothing to be worried about!!

TRAVEL:

Singapore in November!! (Hopeful)

WORK:
1 more week of being a barista left. Boo hoo. Will miss making hot chocolate - because its the most aesthetically pleasing of all drinks. Really. The whipped cream and chocolate sauce reminds me of Christmas. If you take hot choc without whipped cream and choc sauce, you're a PANSY! Be a (wo)man! Do the right thing! Hot choc and whipped cream were destined to be together , why you tearing them apart? :(

SOCIAL LIFE:
Wednesday night: Mambo Jambo Tribute to Michael Jackson. Oh yeah. Better go practice all the crotch grabbing, "wee-hee" moves soon. It's going to be so great I can tell- imagine just going crazy to the "The Way You Make Me Feel". Sweetness.

STYLE (OR THE LACK OF IT):
Meesh cut my hair in the campus toilets today. I bet people waiting thought we were two lesbians having a quickie. With a weird fetish for hair. Hmm.

MUSIC:
Songs that I have been listening to non stop lately:
1) The Killers: All These Things That I've Done (Mantra: I GOT SOUL BUT I'M NOT A SOULJAH!!)
2) Gorillaz: Feel Good Inc and DARE (I swear they are secretly infusing some sort of hypnotic demonic spell in their music which lulls people into a state of frenzied dancing. Because dance is what I do with these songs.)
3) Frou Frou: Let Go (listen to this when you feel the world is coming to an end. "Cos there's beauty in the breakdown". Superb stuff.)
4) Kaiser Chiefs: I Predict a Riot and Everyday I Love You Less & Less (in cahoots with the same dance demons suspected of aligning with Gorillaz)
5) Franz Ferdinand: Take Me Out (OMG THAT DAMNED DANCE DEMON IS EVERYWHERE! Its the Trump of the demon world. That is if Hell is New York City.)

CURRENT EVENTS (?):
Malaysian Idol Finale- Ok for the FIRST TIME, Daniel didn't make me want to shoot myself in the eye.

TECH:
Got myself a new PC!! BOOYA! And getting an MP3 player once I've scouted around for the right one. Now I can bring my music everywhere!! (And annoy ppl with my singing even more.)


Well.
Looks like I'm a pretty balanced all around individual after all.
Heh :)

That won't kill you will make you stronger.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005
10:25 PM

I used to live in a house that was practically an airfield in disguise. Every freaking day, you could hear the rumble of an airplane's engine as it flew above our heads. Every day, almost one for every two hours. What can you do; at that time the Subang Airport was all hip and happening (was it ever actually) and my house was just strategically placed on the way back to Malaysia.

Now that I've moved (several times actually), I no longer have the opportunity to whinge to my parents about how noisy our place is. Nor do I mistake a passing air vehicle for thunder, and predict that it will rain. All is peaceful and quiet and the most disturbing noises would be from the stupid cats fornicating outside my bedroom.

While I was doing rubbish duty last night, I happened to glance up and saw that it was a beautiful night. The sky was just littered with stars, and it was incredibly hard for me to stop staring into the night. So: one hand clutching a black plastic bag, while staring right up at the sky. My neck might've hurt a little, but I couldn't seem to notice.

And from a distance I see the approaching, blinking lights of an aeroplane.

10 years ago, I would've gone straight back in and whined like the brat I was (am). Last night however, I stood with that garbage bag in my hand, my heart on my sleeve as I openly envied the people in the plane; and my mind wandering where they had been, where they were going and how unnatural and infinite the world really is.

I am reminded once again, to never be bogged down by matters like deadlines and headlines. Where do they fall really in the grand scheme of things, the big picture? Why worry?

The world turns with or without you. I don't plan to remain static in one place.

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Of insignificance.

Sunday, September 18, 2005
12:58 AM

After a hellish week in college, the first thing I wanted to do was to 1) get some sleep or 2) go to Ikea. The new catalogue got delivered sometime last week and I swear there's some sort of manipulative hidden message buried deep within visuals of sofas and dinnerware. It whispers to you y'know .. come little naive consumer, go eat our meatballs. Or something.

So the only thing that occupied my mind last Friday, while I was mentally throwing up before my presentation ("What does Gramsci mean by Crisis of Hegemony? Using examples from popular culture, explain how the media helps in overcoming the Crisis."), was that a few hours later I could be dancing my way through Ikea's display rooms and pretending that this was my house.

Who doesn't do that right? Go to Ikea and play house. Fun like mad.

As it turns out, I didn't get to redecorate the space in my head, but I did have a good time. Dinner at Vivo @ The Curve was good, as the restaurant's got this cool concept of self-service so you don't have to pay that pesky 10% service charge. We were all so hungry that we over-ordered. Come on lah, last meal was roti pisang at 10.30am! Myself alone I had spaghetti with meatballs, 7 inch pizza, and mushroom soup. Note of interest: I finished it all.

Actually, I don't know why I bored you with details of my completely homely night out. Let's just conclude and say that it ended with strawberry sundae at McDs and really great conversation.

I don't know how many of you do this, but there is a perpetual soundtrack playing in my head and it won't go away. That's the problem with music. You listen to something and it reminds you so much of something and everything feels real again. Sorry, did I say problem? I meant, magic. Magic.

Vagina of The Regina Monologues (oooh, snappy!) sent me this through email:

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I swear this will be the last Starbucks related image to be posted here! I just like it when people make "sarah is a corporate whore" jokes.

I aspire to be a corporate whore anyway, :p.

Feeling like brain has been bashed in by sharp stone.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005
8:07 PM

Oh YES, baby.

I am finally done with first individual assignment of the semester, the first among many many many. So happy now, you can NOT imagine. No longer flipping through countless boring text by nameless scholars, and checking and rechecking my referencing! No more staring at the monitor, wondering where the hell is my direction with this paragraph! Seriously, the amount of times I deleted whole pages because I was rambling on and on, having made my point 3 paragraphs before.

*sobs in relief*

Now I will allow myself a few hours of mindless TV consumption!! Nothing pleases me more than to stare at the idiot box!!

After that, back to bloody presentation about CRISIS OF HEGEMONY IN POPULAR CULTURE AND STUPID GRAMSCI AND ALL THEM PEOPLE WITH TOO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS!!

Hegemony. Two years ago I didn't have a clue what it meant but now my whole life is about it.

Honestly .. when is my stint as a student going to end. I just can. not. wait.

Sugar, we're going down.

Saturday, September 10, 2005
9:49 PM

Today, during an amazingly slow, boring as death, shift, I had more than enough time to twiddle my thumbs and think about things I've never had time to think about recently.

1) Where do I want to be in 5 years?

OB lecturer asked the same question last week, which was probably why I thought of it. Sad to say, I have no idea. Everyone's like, "Do you want to be an award winning journalist? Do you want to be the most gossipy tabloid reporter? Etc." I don't know lah. I don't even know if I want to be writing in 5 years. Somehow the passion seems to be dwindling down into a tiny little flame. Here's a list of alternatives: photographer, copywriter, fashion editor (free clothes, dammit), mistress to rich man.

Ok so maybe not the last one.

One thing I definitely know I don't want is some routine 9-5 deskjob in front of a computer, in some enclosed office. I need to be outside, discovering new things, experiencing new sights, meeting interesting people.

So I decided: In 5 years I want to be head hunted. Even though I don't currently know head hunted for whaaaaat. But I will figure it out.

Eventually.

2) What I would give to have my camera fixed and returned to my grubby hands.

It's just stupid that now that I don't have a camera present 24-7, I see beauty everywhere I go. Stupid stupid stupid. Trust life to be all ironic on us.

3) The things I won't miss when I quit Starbucks.

Cleaning the glass windows, and having the desire to kill every subsequent person who pushes against the glass to enter. FUCK MAN USE THE HANDLE!!!! I just FINISHED that spot. /grumpy

Never having to deal with rude assholes again, and can actually be rude in return instead of faking a smile and forcing myself to be polite.

Wearing a cap. Hate caps with a passion now.

.. but I will miss my apron.

4) How fast 2005 is going. Self explanatory. People, it is September already. Like wtf right.

5) That I will be working again tomorrow. Sigh. If you see "Hi! I'm Sarah" on the cash register, say hello. It will make my very mundane day.

Also,

Interesting fact, though some of you might find it to be almost criminal :

I have never seen any of the Matrix films. Not one.

That piece of info leaked out last week to much shock.

And,

The first time I heard about Hurricane Katrina it was on Yahoo.com; the headline read "Katrina kills 1,000".

I thought Katrina was a bitch mass murderer person, and cursed her to the death penalty.

THEN: Results/Award Ceremony 2004

Monday, September 05, 2005
12:10 AM

Something I unearth from the recesses of my computer- the Award Ceremony to signify the end of our Diploma education.

These were taken way back in November 2004 so yes my dear Mass Commers ... it has been a while. I still miss those days though.

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Totally unprepared, as usual.

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Like moths to a lightbulb; scrambling over the results' table.

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Yi Wen, I miss you sooooo much! Haven't seen you since last year. She was like the braniac among our little clique.

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Malynder, mwahs mwahs MWAHS. Faster come back biatch.

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Meesh and Ashvin- back in the days, they were never seen without each other. Funniest people you'll ever know.

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I can NEVER forget what happen after this photo. Matthew had beaten me as Best Journalism Student. After my dad took this photo, he looked at him and said,

"So. You're the guy who beat my daughter."

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Krystle and I a year ago.

Good Lord Krys- we've both lost damn lots of weight man.

When people kept saying that I've lost so much weight, I didn't really know what they were talking about because I didn't feel like I looked any different. But seeing this photo ..... OMG, I so know now. *cringe cringe*

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And how I got to be fat. Eating lah.

Those were the days, my friends. :)