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Desktop Confessional

The Way of Words.

Saturday, November 26, 2005
6:52 PM

Blog hopping has its way of making me feel completely doubtful of myself. I don't want to compare, but I can't help but admire how some people are able to string the most interesting sentences together. So much so that I can see it in my mind's eye, how the author was feeling at the exact moment of putting those words down. Those observations, so personal yet being personalized for the reader to understand in their own way .. how accurate their metaphors and analogies are; how funny they can be, all dry-witted and self-depreciating. They make me want to be in an invisible force in the corners of their lives, just yearning to know more about them.

I may have just described stalking in the most romantic way possible there, heh heh.

Sometimes, after a round of blog hopping, or even after reading a really amazing book, I look at the way I write and feel a sense of desperation about my writing. In truth, I have issues with my writing, and I don't like it much. If I was an objective observer, and stumbled upon my blog, I am doubtful that I would give it too much of my attention. You must forgive me for being insecure about it; writing has been the one thing that I've been told I'm good at, and I've somewhat believed those compliments. And so it worries me sometimes, when I don't feel like I am writing what I want to say, and when I am not expressing what I want simply because I cannot find a way to phrase it anymore. Imagine if the one thing you are good at, or at least have been told you were good at, suddenly just felt really hard to do and that it doesn't come naturally anymore.

That is how I feel about writing these days. And it worries me.

But I am however, very grateful for those of you who've continued reading my blog despite such boring posts and blah writing these few months. Thank you, so very much. I'll never see what you see in my blog, but the knowledge that it is still of interest to some is a very comforting thought.

Mwahs! Love yous!

Angels sing.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005
12:09 PM

Semester 2 is OVER, baby!

Although the marketing exam was the shittiest of shit.
Rest assured I made it up with spending too much money lahh!! Guilt, what guilt?
Movie, donuts, coffee (my love!), clothes (love you too, darling), food again..
But it's all worth it- I feel like a million bucks now after indulging myself in instant gratification.
So today!! Today I laze around, watch some tv, take like a dozen naps and eat because tomorrow is going to be HECTIC. Whoever's going to be at Upfront- I will see you there.

Anyway, time to start the Great Bumming by watching tv. It's 12.15 PM and I haven't washed up or brushed my teeth.

Life is grand.

Smile like you mean it my loveliessssss <3

Sunday, November 20, 2005
12:43 AM

Like an addict, I am craving caffeine. Up to the point that it aches somewhat that I am not having it now, dammit, NOW. There are only 5 chapters left for me to cover for bloody Marketing, and only two more days before this period of caffeine addiction and midnight oils being burnt is behind me. Only two more days!! I remind myself to persevere, and be patient and put in extra effort because 48 hours isn't long and after that, the whole of 2005 is left to me to do as I wish to it. After 48 hours I can watch Harry Potter, go out without guilt, etc. I'm also going to be getting my camera back soon so I promise to add some visuals to my text-heavy blog. Happy now!?

Has it impressed upon you that 2005 will be ending in about a month and a half's time? It is hard trying to fight off feelings of vulnerability and uselessness everytime a year calls it quits, because dammit- I haven't taken over the world yet. But in all seriousness, I can't get time to back off on me. In my head sits a plan, or a dream, that I've designed and envisioned for myself to be accomplished by 25 .. and with every year that passes, 25 suddenly doesn't seem that far away anymore.

However, long-term plans are a blog post for another day. In line with one of my 2005 resolutions to live for the moment ..

Right now, I am perfectly content being here at this very moment, stressing over my finals, lusting over Harry Potter, compiling great "study music" (excuse for wasting time, really) and dreaming of finding that perfect dress.

Where ever you are reading this, I hope you are content too.

Perfect Music for Studying (I wasted half an hour compiling and burning this!)

1. Four to the Floor Vs California Dreaming- Starsailor vs Royal Gigolos
2. Do It Tonight- Rockfeller (<3!)
3. Middle of Nowhere- Hot Hot Heat (<3!)
4. Mungkin Nanti- Peter Pan
5. Just Feel Better- Santana feat. Steven Tyler
6. Sway- The Perishers (<3!)
7. Love Will Make You Beautiful- The Afters
8. Legendary- Lou Barlow
9. California 2005- Phantom Planet
10. Stick With You- Pussycat Dolls
11. Breathe Me (Radio Edit)- Sia (<3!)
12. Get It Together- India.Arie
13. Maybe I'm Amazed- Jem (<3!)
14. Blind- Lifehouse
15. Trouble Sleeping- The Perishers
16. Somebody Told Me (Mylo Remix)- The Killers (<3!)
17. Smile Like You Mean It- The Killers (<3!)
18. Clothes Off (Radio Edit)- Digital Dog

Who cares what I listen to?
Narcissistic, self-involved me.

Thursday, November 17, 2005
5:41 PM

I am DYING to watch Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire.


Am paedophillic that way. Daniel Radcliffee is yummy.


Monday, November 07, 2005
8:08 PM

"I'll send an SOS to the world" - Sting

I need a job from November 21st to January 7th!

If you know of anyone in need of a slave, please let me know. I will fetch mineral water and do laundry. I also make good coffee (thank you Starbucks!), and will break up with your boy/girlfriend for you. Has too much patience and tolerance for stupid requests, and will not whine.

Seriously though, I need a job from that time period. How to sustain the holiday lifestyle of going out and spending $$ if not working?! Why the hell did I succumb to my dad's pressures of qutting Starbucks a month ago .. I could be secured of income at this very moment.

Email!! quesarah@gmail.com
Phone!! If you know me, you'll know this so tis redundant.

Exams went alright lah today. Please push me to buck up because I feel strangely calm about this whole sordid exam affair, when in fact am so unprepared. Bahasa Melayu on the 17th and I know absofuckinglutely NOTHING. This is what you get when you spend all the time in BM class speaking in English and not paying attention. KARMA WILL COME BITE YOU IN THE ARSE.

Sex for the ears!! Sugababes "Push The Button" and Freeloaders "So Much Love To Give". Nothing in the world is better than a good pop song.. okay maybe 2 good pop songs.

Meesh's dog tried to hump me because I am that hot! And the dog's bloody female too! What is the world coming to.

All These Things That I Want To Do.

Saturday, November 05, 2005
11:33 PM

I love KLue magazine. I anticipate its arrival every month. I rush to the anneh at the mini-mart and he smiles his stained smile, and hands me the magazine. A tireless routine. I go home, I plonk myself on my bed and ignore the fact that I have countless amounts of texts to read for my exams, and I immerse myself in the world of the hip, the arty, the weird, and actually .. the ones with so much time that they can go all over Selangor scooping out events, restaurants, etc etc.

One knows that they'll never be able to go to all these places that the magazine recommends, but to realize that there are options with what to do with your time, other than spending it at a mall and consuming everything advertised .. that is a thought that excites me. Which is exactly what makes the magazine so appealing .. the idea that life exists beyond the walls of a much-loved Malaysian mall.

Anyway the drawback from reading the magazine is that by the end of it all, you have an extensive list of things you want to do. Seriously, I dog-ear pages in the magazine of things I should focus my attention to .. but of course, they kinda get forgotten eventually.

So: a list, of the things I should see/watch/do.

1) UPFRONT, at Zouk. November 23rd. Architecture in Helsinki + TAG + DJ Goldfish.
2) Exorcism of Emily Rose. Need to get the shit scared out of me.
3) Cinderella- A Musical. Venue @ KLPac. Same classic tale, but entertwined with songs from the 50s and so on. Details here.
4) Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire. What. What?! Do not deny association with me now.
5) Read Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman.
6) Buy Franz Ferdinand's new album.
7) Actually, there are less to-dos than I thought. I am keeping it real here! These are things I can definitely do.

On another note, check out Off The Edge as well. Tight writing, fresh features, and Patrick Teoh has a damn funny and insightful monthly column. Giggles guaranteed.

Yeah but sometimes I feel too stupid to be reading that magazine lah. Must check dictionary, and Google all. However, damn good reading for those taking up a Journalism major, like yours truly.

Now who says I am not passionate about writing?
/looks at the mirror.