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QUESARAH

Desktop Confessional

My so-called life.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

I'd never take another beautiful, sunny Sunday for granted again. I can finally see!! I don't feel like I'm living in a perpetual ashtray anymore. To be spending this day indoors, freaking studying, seems to be a sin. So I've thought of a brilliant plan- I'd bring my books for a walk and study out instead. I don't know where yet .. er. Probably Starbucks. Talk about being entrenched to your job.

Speaking of my job .. I think it's finally time to quit. Or rather, my dad thinks its about time that I quit. My job, but my dad decides whether I should stay or go. I wonder if anyone else sees the unfairness of it all. Nevermind the fact that I like the job, just as long as he doesn't like the irregular hours, the fact that he thinks I won't learn anything from there ..

Sigh.

I really don't want to quit. I'm having such a good time there, and it's become some sort of a little sanctuary for me. When I don't feel like being at home, I have an excuse to go somewhere else. I'm actually glad to be identified as more than just a student; that I have other things going on besides college, studying and agonizing over exams.

I've grown attached to it. I like my partners, I like the fact that outside of work, we are truly friends. I like the people I've met while working there. I still find making coffee interesting, even though it's been 4 months.

A part of me knows that I can't keep this job forever, and the longer I stay with the organization the less likely I am to quit. And I have to quit eventually. I have other ambitions to pursue, and I'd kill myself if I forgo them all to stay in this comfort zone.

But do I want to be forced to quit by my dad? No. I'd really appreciate making that decision myself, but what the fuck yeah, he's still my dad. I guess it would be better to quit than to get the daily lectures and arguments. Working shouldn't be this hard right? Funny thing is, its not the work that's giving me stress. Or the fact that I'm juggling both studying and working. It's just all these external fucking pressure.

So he wins. I have to somehow gather the courage to tell my superiors that I am quitting one of these days. It's okay for now because even though I love this job, it's not going to be my future livelihood and I can tolerate letting it go.

I just hope that he'd understand that in the future, when I'm trying to be what I want to be, he wouldn't step in and force his ideals of what he wants, and just let me be my own person.

Sometimes I forget whose life I'm living. Mine, or my parents'?

  1. Blogger ButterRoll_sama said:

    heh parents, they're like kids. u give in too much to their every wim and they will become spoilt. it might be just your "it's not going to be my future livelihood and I can tolerate letting it go." job today but who knows what it'll be tomorrow?

  1. Blogger frus said:

    show your daddy that you're not a daddy's girl

  1. Blogger c.ho said:

    hmm.. pat pat.. i don't know what to say. but seriously.. i reckon that any job does give you life experiences. somehow or another. my case is different. i think my parents would love to see me do more than just study and be a student. think they'd love for me to work.

    why? cuz my sisters are ALWAYS telling me about how employers in your future job will ALWAYS look for any work experience whcih you may have had. SEriously. Any job experience helps and is really gold. That's why i finally got off my arse to... work. ho ho ho.. but that was only like.. short term. hehehe.. glad you actually even maintained the job even through uni thus far! kudos!

  1. Blogger c.ho said:

    okay.. i think it's redundant when i say i have nothing to say-.-" forgive me for that.

  1. Blogger meiteoh said:

    Maybe he thinks of it as this way:

    "Would my daughter be able to go somewhere with this job? Or will it consume her to the point of her forgetting what her real goal should be: studying and scoring - or at least doing well?"

    Most of the time we never can understand why our parents are the way they were...but if we can take the time out from our own misgivings about them to just step back and take a look at the bigger picture, MAYBE, maybe just then we can learn to better appreciate their 'advice'.

    Btw, you can still meet your colleagues OUTSIDE of work...you can still go back ocassionally to see them...and who knows? When you've graduated, you can still work with them doing other things apart from being a barrister. :)

    If all else fails, why not have a chat with Daddy about your feelings? It never hurts to be an adult about things.

  1. Blogger simonsta said:

    no reason for me to know you now!

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