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QUESARAH

Desktop Confessional

There's no seperating (wo)man & machine.

Sunday, August 29, 2004
7:24 PM

I just spent the better part of Sunday afternoon sleeping, watching Malaysian Idol and backing up all my photos, mp3s and important documents on my PC. Now all my history with this machine is being stored in 3 CDRs. Tonight will be a massive deleting spree as I remove any trace that I even owned it for a little while. These are my very last hours with it.

I've grown unhealthily attached to this PC. It's been sitting on my study desk for a few months now and my life basically revolves around it. I blog from here, I upload all my photos here, my work's done here, I connect with my friends from this little hub in my room. Downloads are done on this PC, I watched the last season of Sex and the City on it.

And tonight I will slowly delete all that. Pathetically, I feel like my heart is breaking somewhat.

I've never been one to fall for the latest technology or hottest gadgets. Technology has always impressed me, but never bowled me over. Like my handphone. It's so basic, it should be a primate. It doesn't have a camera, MMS or even a colour screen and I'm okay with that. My brother on the other hand, knows all the latest models to come out and is learned about their functions. Yesterday, he got himself the Nokia Ngage which to me, is more of a game console than a phone. He was all about compact-ness when it came to phones, but the Ngage is dinosaur-like! Which makes me think maybe he wanted it because it acts like a Gameboy and your ringtone is a MP3. (Big hella deal.)

I've also a tendency to think technology is unreliable and is the cause of most of my frustrations. A while ago, I got disconnected from MSN and my browser wouldn't load. I thought, fck Streamyx is down again! (Streamyx in my area is very bad, disconnects 10 times a day) Was griping, pacing up and down, thanking the gods that I wasn't in the middle of publishing a looong blog entry, when I had this INGENIOUS idea to see whether all the cables outside were plugged in and accounted for. Lo and behold, idiotbrother unplugged one as he went down for a shower. So Streamyx wasn't down, but idiotbrother will go down for causing me unnecessary stress. As Jase said, "Stupidity must not go unpunished."

However, my indifference towards technology doesn't make me feel any less depressed about giving back this PC. I'll have to use the Mac now for all my work and personal stuff and I really don't want to because the Mac is in the family hall, and my parents just love to drop by and see what I'm doing. It irks me. I don't like someone looking over my shoulder as I blog/work/IM. PLUS, I'll have to do battle with idiotbrother for use of the Mac. So if you don't see me on MSN so often anymore, you know why la. sarah no more PC.

I do feel better now after typing it all out. Most of this weird sad mood I will attribute to PMS as am breaking out and just finished one whole packet of Super Rings. I don't even eat chips! And I finished one whole pack! By myself! My tongue and fingers are stained orange, much like how a young boy messes himself over with an ice cream cone.

Also, I really really want to go shopping and buy my bloody prom dress. I'll never find it, I know!

Big week ahead. Thursday in particular, scares and excites me at the same time.

Disease: Trigger Happiness.

Thursday, August 26, 2004
10:36 PM

Yo. How you doing?
I'm great. At least, I think I am. I bring my digicam to college almost everyday now, trying to get used to it and all. Friends tolerate my frantic whipping-out-of-cam whenever I see something I think is interesting. And what I think is interesting is usually things no one thinks is interesting, like say, a glass of lime juice. So I get weird stares as well, but because new digicam looks professional, I let them think I'm this amazing photographer with my spiffy looking equiptment. Lies, all lies! Bwahaha. People are so easily deceived.





Went to Petaling Street today to order bouquets and corsages for the upcoming Dinner & Dance and wanted to kick myself for not bringing the digicam along. Now, PS is one place that could kick Trigger Happiness into overdrive. It's quite interesting looking at all the flower stalls tucked in back alleys and corners, their flowers blooming in a variety of colours against the dilapidated, dull and forgotten walls of old shophouses.

If only I had my camera.

Weekend's looking busy- tomorrow Jazz Fest at Mont Kiara, the weekend will have me furiously backing up my files on this PC as I'm returning it to its rightful owner. I'm quite sad about it actually. Means I gotta go back to the Mac. Anyone willing to buy me a PC? No? Thought so.

How's your weekend looking like?

The girl with the rainbow-coloured earring.

Monday, August 23, 2004
8:57 PM



It's quite nifty what Photoshop and a digicam can do, although my Photoshopping skills are limited to what I learnt back in the previous semester.

If whining were a sport, I reckon I'd win every single event held in its honour. When I look at it, I see that my daily lives can be chronicled in a series of complaints and rants.
"AH shite. 6.30 AM ALREADY?"
"OMG, what assignment! I never knew anything about it!"
"What the hell! You think you own the road is it? DRIVE LA WOMAN! (and I don't even drive, my mom does and I just offer passenger seat commentary.)
"What is she wearing?"
"Four computer labs and only ONE has Quark Xpress. I don't know why I pay lab fees."
"This milo ais will kill a diabetic."
"Whore rental? OH. HALL rental."
"Meeeeeeeesssh! *whine* Clothes smell of chap fan! *grabs Meesh's Armani Mania perfume and drenches shirt in it* "

... and so on. Have I annoyed you already with my collection of whines/rants/gripes for today (yes, only today)? Well yes that's me. I'm either a)snarky or b)rather amusing.

I really do feel that I should make an effort to be more ... relaxed (?). One of these days I'll bite my tongue when an idiot a motorist hogs the road, and I won't take a second look at someone's horrific unique dress sense. I won't find people who chew with their mouths wide open disgusting, but will think of it as ... enthusiasm for food and conversation.

Yar, always look on the bright side of things, silver lining, focusing on positive traits, etc. I can be that happy-go-lucky girl who picks flowers off the road and wears a puffy-sleeved dress!

I will live up to my MSN nick: Technicolour Lover. Indeed! Y

(Puffy-sleeved dress is metaphorical. Will not actually repeat fashion blunder of childhood days.)

Life begins at 1.10 PM!

Friday, August 20, 2004
8:08 PM

My life seems to grind to a halt when the exams come by. Everything is put on hold, meetings are rescheduled and sleep is scarce. So you'd understand why I'm so glad the mid-sems are over, and I can finally hit PLAY on the VCR that is my life.

Today played out rather badly. Was on the way to college when suddenly, all the lights start dimming in my mom's car. My brother took one look at the dashboard and said, "Er. Ma. Your battery is gonna die."

And sure enough, my mom pulled over to the side and the battery promptly dieded on us. Seconds later, the car alarm starts blaring and my mom frantically tries to shut it up by waving her arms around in exasperation. My brother got out of the car and walked to school, I hailed a cab from, officially, the slowest cabbie in the world.

He was a short, stout Indian man with graying hair and magnifying spectacles. Hardly said a word, and only managed to peer over the steering wheel with shoulders hunched and his nose so close to the wheel, I bet he could smell his own sweat. He was going max 50 KM/H (I checked), and there was this HUUUUGGE gap between the cab and the car in front. Needless to say, we were frequently being cut-ted. I wanted to pull my hair out in desperation, COME ON UNCLE PLEASE LA IT USUALLY ONLY TAKES 10 MINS ITS BEEN 20 MINS ALREADY I HAVE AN EXAM GODDAMIT. But I kept silent as I was rather intimidated by this small man's ability to hack and snort phlegm, and then opening the door to spit it out while driving at the same time.

Then, I go to college to discover that I did rather poorly for Journalism 2. SIGH. However, bad mood went away at 1.10 PM when I handed in my Marketing paper, which was easier than expected, blessed be.

++++++
So now I'm a free woman and I have to get back to my life PE (pre exam):

  • Catch up on movies- I, Robot, Catwoman (don't care if its sucky, Halle Berry too hot in leather suit to miss), 13 Going on 30, Collateral. What else is there?
  • Vacuum and mop downstairs. Neglected the chores this past week.. not that I minded. But yeh. Wouldn't want my family to live in filth now.
  • Finish up all the leftover assignments from study break.
  • Try to watch at least ONE Olympic sport in its entirety, and not just little 5 minute previews.
  • Look around for a dress for program's Dinner & Dance. Where should I go to get one eh? HELP.
  • Wonder about what stuff is there to do in KL besides shop and eat. HELP.
  • Fireworks-watching over Merdeka weekend. Siape nak ikut?
  • Not to slack off so much post-mid sem.

    ++++++
    Weird situation of the day.

    Scenario: Melissa and I were sitting on the floor by the lifts, waiting for Matthew to come down so we can follow him to SS15, when 2 middle-aged men comes and says..
    Man 1: Wah, college life so tiring ah. Look so tired.
    Me: Nola uncle, exam week. Have to put in a lot of effort.
    Man 1: Ah but why look so drained!
    Me: Had a tough subject today uncle, slept only at 4am.
    Man 1: HAH! Aiyo not healthy la girl. If I were your dad, I would have spanked you.
    (Melissa and I O.O-gles in shock and amusement)
    Man and Friend gives Uncle-smiles, unaware of the workings of our teenaged minds, and walks into lifts.

    ++++++
    I just washed my hair. I can't stop smelling it.

  • The edge of Tuesday.

    Tuesday, August 17, 2004
    3:16 PM

    Well. Social Psychology was pretty tough.
    I mean, the lecturer came in in the middle of the exam and was like, "Class, I'm going to give you some hints as I just went to the other hall and no one knows how to answer the essays!"
    And she proceeded to give some clues, which was of no help to me anyway, as I couldn't remember the chapter from where the question came from.
    :( I studied, I really did.

    So I proceeded to answer question 1- Mundane Realism and Psychological Realism- which should social psychologists strive for? because it was all about my opinions, and there I was, BS-ing away. You know how its like, you only have like maybe two/three points but you elaborate and elaborate until it becomes one whole page. Good English and grammar aside, I know absolutely nothing.
    Questiom 4 was pretty straightforward- What is Social Psychology and explain why social psychologists are concerned about social influence?

    Left the hall with a lot of doubts, but hell. At least its over, I can now move on to studying something OTHER than SP. I know that there doesn't seem like I have any other subjects but I do. It's just that I continually go on about SP, SP and SP.

    So next up: Journalism 2, Econs (boo!), Feature Writing and Marketing (BOO!BOO!Not looking forward to it at all.)

    Pretty edgy this week. Loads to think about, educational and personal. Feels like I could just tip over and fall.
    I cannot wait for Friday- get to have big post-exam meal and watch Collateral. I heard its really, really good.

    /end rant.


    On the edge. Posted by Hello

    Goodbyes silver old Olympus.

    Saturday, August 14, 2004
    5:04 PM

    The first thing my dad said to me when I got home today was, "Eh bring your camera over."

    So I did.

    The second thing he said to me was, "Bring the box and manual over. I'm selling your cam to Uncle Richard."

    WHAT!.

    Ohgawd I never thought there'll come a day where I'd have to part with my old, old, obsolete Olympus C100. I bought it when I was 16/17, and have been using it since then. It's gotten teased loadsa times for being bulky and elephant-esque but I love it so. It may only have 1.3 megapixels, and doesn't have all the cool new features, like being weather-resistant and all.. but it was MINE. There was LOVE.

    And now it's gone. Big sigh.

    Byes.


    It's a temporary goodbyes to camh0 pictures as well. Won't you be glad to see those go. I hand my crown over to Matty, who tried to come up with me to see me get my eyebrows threaded (the boy has some facsination with it), but the sign said "NO MALES ALLOWED". He waited downstairs, muttering something about sexism.

    Hellos.


    Apparently, I'm getting this one as a replacement. Wah. Looks really professional, and I am but an amateur. But I guess it's time to move on, and get acquainted with a brand new toy. Erks. I remember how long it took to get used to the old one. Here we go again.

    For old times' sake, my fav picture taken with it.




    From the side of my dresser drawer, there is a heart etched in wood. Surprising things await you at familiar places.

    Instances, they taste like coffee.


    1:35 AM

    There are instances in life when you get a glimpse of what it really feels like to be in someone else's shoes. The worst/best part was that I didn't even have to try. Most of the times, I try and force myself to see someone else's view, and emphatise with their situations and pleas for sympathy. Why? Because I should, it's the right thing to do.

    But today, nope. No effort needed. Just instantly boom, I felt like my mother.

    What do you do when you want all the best for one of your friends and try hard as you like to convince her of the "right thing" and etc, it eventually boils down to her decision on what to do with her life? You know that, it's her life and she can damn well do as she please. YOU SO KNOW THAT, so why can't you just get it in your head to trust her to do what she wants? You just want to intervene, do what's best for her, all that crap.

    THEN, AH. It hit me. Fck, I really am turning into my mother at age 19. And I can completely understand all the times she didn't want me to do the things I want. So. I shut up, and decided that yeah, people need to learn for themselves. There's no way you can achieve anything by protecting people from experiences, although you do it because you truly care for them. So god speed, god bless, etc.

    In another instance in this eventful day in the life of sarah, I realize that I am very much, able to be happy for the people who have had the opposite effect in my life. I am surprised to find myself smiling upon hearing of their good news-es, and can't help but be really proud of their achievements. I suppose the past has become that, the past. And really, I've these people to thank for making, forcing me to go through all the bitterness and learning from them and just, basically, living my life.

    So thanks, all the best. God speed, god bless, etc.

    (In unrelated matters, male readers of my blog, I'm curious. Are you a butt or boob guy? What's the big deal, really, so asked Meesh today.)

    Oh fog in mind, please lift.

    Wednesday, August 11, 2004
    3:24 PM


    Fog Posted by Hello

    This is basically how my brain feels right now. I've been staring at Social Psychology text for over an hour and have been repeating the same sentence, over .. and over again.

    Having a Kickapoo Joy Juice in an attempt to inject yellow coloured joy hasn't been working so far.

    Maybe it's a really bad idea to jump straight back to studying after a few days of having too much fun. You sleep, wake up in the morning and head out with your kawan sekalians to have breakfast.

    You come back in your room's all clean and organized again. And you just PLOP, lie on the bed and continue banter with your friends.

    No wonder people don't stay in hotel rooms. It makes you so goddamn lazy.

    I haven't even unpacked yet, and doing laundry for myself earlier was such a chore.

    I want Housekeeping! *dials 1 on phone to no answer*

    Is it not weird for your name to be Sarah and listening to Jefferson Starship's Sara?

    SARAA(H).. SARAA(H).. storms are brewing in your eyes!

    It's like masturbation. Almost.
    SIGH! SIGH! GO BACK TO SOCIAL BLOODY PSYCH!

    Sweet home Subang Jaya?

    Tuesday, August 10, 2004
    6:42 PM



    You know. I went up to Genting on Friday thinking that it would be just a fun work-related holiday with my friends, but I came back on Monday night realizing that it was a whole lot more than that. We laughed 3/4 of our time away, but the last quarter was spent awake in an ungodly hour in our hotel room, knocking sense around.
    Long story, and unfit for blogging. Let me just say that it was one of those nights that changed the dynamics of our friendships completely.

    So. Genting was definitely, something to remember for quite a while. I miss it, though Subang Jaya feels so warm and familiar, and my appetite isn't as large.

    On the work related part, I now have a new found respect for salespeople, of any form or shape. It's NOT EASY doing what they do. Selling tickets to random people in hotel lobbies is not one of the simplest chores I've ever done. At first, you think, "I just sell tix, don't care la if people buy or not." But as you put more effort and time into what you do, you find out that you actually DO care how everything will work out even though you've got no attachment whatsoever to the company.

    Our meals were sponsored so my friends and I became pigs overnight. Ugh. I don't know how many times I said, "Guys we MUST STOP eating right NOW!" while stuffing my face with the buffet breakfast/lunch. What a hypocritical thing to say! It seems like people are perpetually hungry way up there, and after all the rides and First World Plaza walks, eating is basically the only thing you can do.

    I came back Monday night, missing Genting and procrastinating on studying for my exam next week. I better set a reminder to study before I waste my break away watching TV and sleeping.

    My life's a bit .. weird right now. There are things going on which I wish fervently will be resolved easily and effortlessly, but Life's never kind, is she? So what should I do, should I sit back and let it play itself out on its own? It seems that's the only thing I can do at the moment.

    And though it is weird and boggles me to no end, it's kinda pleasant as well.
    How, Sarah asks rethorically.

    You got the hooch, you got the only sweetest thing in the world.

    Thursday, August 05, 2004
    3:59 PM

    Sitting in Secret Recipe at Midvalley yesterday, four spoons submerged into a chocolate sundae, made me realize how much I'm going to miss everyone I've come to love these past 4 semesters. Come late October, I honestly don't know who I will keep in constant contact with. Although I intend to, it's easy to lose touch once proximity is threathened.

    It pains me to a certain extent. You get into college, and the first two days are synonymous with uncomfortable silences and small talk. But then some kind of magic dust settles over the group, and from then on everything flows like water. Conversations are funnier and deeper, trips to the loo for two/three/one group. Making spontaneous trips to malls and watching a movie every Thursday. Having BBQs, birthday dinners and end-of-semester celebrations as a whole class.And as the semesters roll on, your network expands from five to ten-fifteen. You make friends with people you never thought you'll know. You even get close to the lecturers!

    But everything has to end eventually. It might not be closure per se, but things will change. Of course I've thought about semester ending, and us graduating and eventually dispersing to pursue our own goals but I think it just hit me the hardest yesterday.

    Aieh, the cons of having a Good Day. Classes passed by in a big breath of laughter, as was entertained by Matthew's finger puppets and Regina's act of vandalism (where I was co-delinquent). I laughed until Siva remarked I looked ready to explode.


    Matty's Finger Show. Not as obscene as it sounds. Come one, come all.




    Reunited and it feels so good.. We're still kids la, despite having knowledge on world issues.



    Good Day was continued by a spontaneous trip to Midvalley because everyone was craving for some lasagne from Secret Recipe, which both Krsytle and I ordered (Lyn and Yi Wen had fish and chips). And it didn't end there. It was followed by a Chocolate Marashmallow cake and Chocolate Sundae. Felt too full and guilty to live after that.

    And what's an outing with my best chicks without (window) shopping? Went around looking for dresses and two were successful in finding (but not buying just yet) the dress of their dreams. As for me, I fell in love with this skirt and 3 lovely tops. I have pictures but I made a vow to no longer be a camwhore.

    Coming home from the mall, I just started contemplating on the past 1 and a half years. I'm so going to miss everyone once they leave Malaysia. Sigh.

    College is evil that way. You make friends that last a lifetime, but they have to go away first.