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QUESARAH

Desktop Confessional

What is my point?

Monday, January 05, 2004


At Singapore's Botanical Gardens


Tomorrow I will wake up at 6.30 in the morning, brave a cold shower, sit in front of my wardrobe for a good 10 minutes, put on an outfit and head out the door towards college.

Yes, college. It is starting tomorrow. Tomorrow! 3 months have come and gone; now all of us Mass Commers at Taylor's will have to start getting our idle brains in order to endure 6 months of lectures, assignments and exams.

Sigh. It's back to normality.

Tomorrow I will begin to take my first step into the world of journalism. I suspect that I will have to write more in 6 months than I've ever written in 10 years. Oh dear Lord, what have I gotten myself into? I'm not a good writer: I'm not articulate, I can't think up clever metaphors and I normally do not see the 'big picture'. I create non-existent words into existence and I have trouble applying the word 'whom' into sentences (I don't know when to use it). I don't know what a verb is (an action?), nor (or should it be 'or'?) a noun. And I'm repetitive, too boot. How did I pass English, I don't know. (SEE! I'VE USED 'don't know' 3 TIMES IN THIS PARAGRAPH ALONE! Repetition!)

So, as you probably can tell, I'm quite scared of being a Journalism major. So many words, so many phrases. Language is so tricky, yanno. Tricky and subtle. You can either see words as they are: plain information; or you can see words as a gift of thoughts from the writer to you.. so rich in depth, emotion and wit. A good writer understands. They can summarize life's more profound lessons in a single paragraph. Me? I digress. I stray from the main point to cover up for the fact that I actually do not have an idea. No clue at all.

I'm afraid. It's been a while since I've been face to face with a challenge, and this is definitely one. The next year will be a test of my 'skills' as a writer. And like any Leo, I will take on this test, but not without trembling. A little anyways. What's life without some doubt and uncertainty?

For once in my life though, time is on my side. The faster it flies, the happier I am. Everyday I get closer to leaving; everyday I get closer to new experiences. I still have beautiful little dreams of NYC in autumn, and quaint little fantasies of watching the sun set in unfamiliar shores. In the past, I never quite liked how quickly the hands of time ticked on but this year, it's different. This year could possibly be the last year I spend in monotony; it could possibly be the last year I spend in "tedious sameness or repetitiousness" (dictionary.com).

I know I sound a little naive to think that my life will change after this year, but understand that I've been in the same environment my entire life. I have only ever been to Singapore, never anywhere else. I'm becoming restless against my own will. I wish that I could be satisfied with what I have now, but I guess I just want to live life to the fullest. I don't feel that I'm doing that now. There's too much to see. And I don't want to miss out.

2004 will be a year to remember. I can feel it. I can finally call Time a friend.. and I urge him to move along quicker.

This post has confirmed that I am a digresser. I started out writing about college starting tomorrow, moved on to my doubts as a writer and finally strayed to how I would love Time to fly this year. And ooh! I just realized that I spent an hour typing up this post. Yay!

I rest my case.

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