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QUESARAH

Desktop Confessional

Going up.

Monday, December 15, 2003


Lot 10's escalators


I initially did not want to publish this post now. I didn't think it was late enough in the year, yet, to be doing a 2003 review. I was hoping, praying even, that there would be something else waiting in store for me in late 2003, but now I realize that this year has begun to wilt and I doubt that it would ever return to glory.

It's time to move on. 2003 might as well be over for me.

So this year I entered college! Haha, what a trip. I remember late last year when I was so confused about which college to choose and more importantly, what course to do. At first, I was dying to enrol in CENFAD (a design college) with 2 of my good friends and take up a course on fashion design. I was pressuring my parents about it and I couldn't understand why they weren't so keen on it. Perhaps they knew better than I did about what would have suited me best. I was pretty damned sure that I didn't want to do A- Levels or SAM, or any of the pre-U programs being offered as it didn't interest me. I sure as hell didn't want to end up in Taylor's College. Even then at an impressionable 17, I wanted to do something else and learn in a completely different environment.

After some inquiring and some soul-searching (:D), I decided to take up a course on Mass Communications. My parents were pretty happy with that decision, and pretty sure that I would do well in the course. It was ironic. All these years I was under the belief that my parents never understood me, but it turns out that they might have understood me better than I did myself. I loved love my course and I've grown to like being in Taylor's College.

Lesson 1: don't underestimate your parents. They do more than just give you an allowance.

"So the good boys and girls take the so-called right track, faded white hats; grabbing credits and making transfers. They read all the books but they can't find the answers"

Of course, with me entering college and all, I made some new friends. Friends that I love. Friends whom, in within a year, have become people that I've grown to trust. Friends whom I shared experiences with (i.e., first real concert: LP). Friends who have been there for me and whom I hope, I have been there for. It's very unusual how the world works: throw a few people in a class with different interests and see how well they click. I can honestly say that I had the best coursemates in my first two semesters in Taylor's.

But there's always a yin to a yang. With the coming of new friends, I drifted apart from my older friends. Different courses, different colleges, and tons of assignments took a toll on our ties. In the past years, we saw and talked to each other every single day. We would often sit in a mamak and just talk. About what, I don't remember. All I remember were words, laughter, and observation. We would often observe other patrons in the mamak and try to guess how they were like personally. Best way to spend a Friday after school. This year, we got together only once. It is sad, but I suppose that's life. People change, people drift apart. Sometimes all that is left behind are memories, but I have faith in our friendship. We might not be as close as before, but we will always be friends.

Lesson 2: People come and go. That's the brutal truth. :(

"I guess when it comes down to it, being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up.. these are the best days of our lives. The only thing that matters is just following your heart, and eventually you'll finally get it right"

In 2003, I finally knew what I wanted to do with my life. I remember when I was 7 and for some reason, every uncle and every aunt wanted to know what I wanted to do in the future, so yes, it took me 11 years to answer the question. I don't understand why anyone would want to ask a SEVEN YEAR OLD, what he or she wanted to do in their future. Is it because they do not have a single shred of imagination in their mind to think of a better question? Do they just want to be like any other relative or family friend? Why do they want to conform to the "annoying uncle/auntie" mould? The kid is 7 years old, how would he know? I would never ask a kid about his ambition because I know the answer: doctor, engineer, vet, ballet dancer. I know because these were the answers I came up with to satisfy my uncle/auntie. I would rather ask about the health of their pet, or the name of their doll.

But yes, in 2003 I found out what I wanted to do, what my ambition was; and if you knew me well enough, you would know too. I've said it several times in conversations with friends and strangers: I want to work for the Discovery Travel and Adventure Channel. It's surprising that I can be so specific on what I want, considering that just a year ago, I had no clue.

Lesson 3: I need to see the world before I die.

"Cause I remember how we drank time together, and how you used to say that the stars are forever. And day dreamed about how to make your life better by leaving town"

Looking back, these three things don't seem like they took a year to learn. They seem very obvious to me now. I have to remind myself that a year ago, I did not know these things. Before I wrote this post, I couldn't find anything particularly interesting about 2003, but now .. my whole perspective has changed. It's so scary, yet amazing, how a year can go by. How 365 days can just pass you by without you realizing. But the end is approaching, quicker than I know.

This New Year's, I'm not entirely sure where I would be. I think I'm supposed to meet up with some close friends and we were planning to have a BBQ. However, after midnight, I would be by myself again as they have their respective boyfriends/boy friend to be with. I guess I could write my resolutions. I've already written my first one, actually: I resolve to fulfill and complete every resolution I write down.

I promise that next year will be different. I will be stronger, smarter, funnier. Next year, the only way I am going is UP.

"So gather up your jackets, move it to the exits; I hope you have found a friend. Closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end"

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