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QUESARAH

Desktop Confessional

Late night confessions

Tuesday, July 22, 2003

Admittedly, it is not that late at night.

But that's besides the point.

I've just finished reading June's and Meesh's blog. The thing that linked both blogs together was the fact that they both wrote on past friendships, long and forgotten, wasted and regretted.

I hate the fact that people come and go so easily in our lives. We spend countless of hours with people we think will last our entire lives. We make silly pacts to conquer the world as a music group. We sign our names along with meaningful/meaningless things like "Friends Forever".

Friends Forever, really? Honestly?

How many friends do I have who used to be extremely close to me but has since been reduced to those "Hi" and "Bye" friends? I am too embarassed to even begin to count the amount. These were the friends I spent the best part of my fourteenth year with. These were the friends who were there when I had my first relationship (so-called). For God's sake, these were the friends who paired me up with him. These were the friends whom I used to sit around with at a mamak, shooting limau seeds to unsuspecting patrons.

Look what happened to us? Both parties admit to being sorry that we let our friendship down. She even wrote in my yearbook, "it's so sad that we are not close anymore". Yet, though being sorry, we don't seem to care about the possible revival of our friendship. Maybe it's because we both still had other, closer, friends to be with.

I think.

I went to Midvalley with a few of my closest friends two days ago. Most of them I've know for at least 10 years. We went to the same primary school and got through the hell of secondary school together. College isn't wasn't supposed to tear the incredibly strong bond that we had created between ourselves. How often do people stand the test of time together and remain friends for well over 10 years?

I think... I thought..-damn I don't know what tense to use- we were one of those groups that will LAST AND LAST. (Like cockroaches.)

Things are different now. Of course, we are still close but things are different. No one was really interested in hanging together for the longest time ever anymore- we're all busier than ever. We all gravitated towards different things, all answering to different interests in the form of the shops in MV. It might not seem like much- for friends to sometimes disperse and go into different shops- but I felt awkward, a little uneasy with everything. I was a little upset too because the differences were beginning to show, but I kept it hidden. I'm very scared at the possible thought of losing their friendship. I cannot imagine my life without their friendship for as long as I can remember, I have had them in my lives.

I really don't know. I have lots of good friends in college now, I love them loads, but everyone yearns to keep those group of friends that went through sleepless pre-IU-Day nights with you; the group of friends who cursed the same Biology teacher as you; the same one who stood in the perhimpunan line with you, making up words to 'Negaraku'.

It was only last year. But it seems like they are memories from an age I can barely remember.

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